Relationship Advice
If you loved me you'd wait.
If you're talking like this it's time to think long and hard about your relationship. Because like it or not, those "if you loved me…" lines can be emotional blackmail. If you really love each other you'll be able to talk about what you both want, have respect for each other's wishes and work out ways to compromise.
I mean, "If you loved me, you'd want to"? What's that all about? The decision to have sex for the first time should be yours and yours alone - never something you do to make someone else happy. After all, it's a once in a lifetime thing. A decision that YOU will have to live with for the rest of your life.
You've been going out for a while.
Everything's going great and now you've got to make a decision. Maybe the biggest you've made so far. Whether or not to have sex.
There's no perfect age to start having sex - and no rules are set down about how long you have to be going out with someone before you do it. That's because it's different for everyone. Only you know when you're ready.
So how do you know if you're ready?
Some romances turn out to be nothing more than fleeting moments. Others, however, can turn out to be really intense. You might start thinking about taking the relationship further. Before you rush into anything have a good think.
How well do you know your new found love interest?
Making Choices
Everyone, boys and girls, young men and young women have to make all sorts of choices about different things including what clothes to wear, whether to go out with someone, whether to let them touch you or whether to have sex. It is very important that you feel confident and comfortable about your choices and that you are not pressured into anything. Talking to someone you trust if you are not sure about something is a good way to start.
Should I have sex?
Having sex is a very big decision to make. Lots of people of about your age think that everybody is doing it. The fact is they are not. Only about one in four young people under the age of sixteen have sex, and that means three out of every four do not. Lots of people who have sex very young feel bad about it later and it is important that you try not to make decisions that you will regret later. Make sure that you are able to take responsibility for contraception and safer sex that you feel safe and sure about your partner, and that you have thought about the reasons for delaying sexual activity.
Saying Yes, saying No
The decision to have sex or not is maybe the biggest decision you've had to make/or will soon make so far in your life.
There's no perfect age to start having sex - and no rules set down about how long you have to be going out with someone before you do it. That's because it is different for everyone. Only you know when you are ready. You should never have sex just to please someone else. If you have sex under pressure you won't enjoy it and that bad memory of your first time will be with you for life!
Peer pressure
Sometimes people pressure others into doing things that they do not want to do. If you do not want to do something, or you think that something is wrong then try and resist doing it. You can try talking to a teacher or your parent or another adult you trust if you feel you are being pushed into something against your will.
Saying no can seem like the most difficult decision in the world. Will they think you're a baby? Dump you? Spread nasty rumours? If you're with someone who really cares about you, they'll happily wait until you are ready. If they won't, you're probably better off without them.
Some really good examples of different relationship scenarios are available at RUthinking.co.uk:
We hope the different scenarios above have given you so good points to think about!
If you need to talk to a GP or nurse about sexual health
Even when you are under 16 you are entitled to get free confidential advice and support about sex and contraception from a doctor or nurse. You can discuss your worries or needs with them and it will remain confidential. If you are worried about confidentiality then ask the doctor first so that you are sure.